dear father God, you have given me life, you have given me love, you have given me a great life. I have a family who cares for me , I have some co-workers who cares for me . I have pastors who cares for me. my mental illness has taken over my mind and body. no matter how hard i try and no matter the meds it seems to have taken control - almost like spiritual warfare and i am loosing really bad. I have cried to you in prayer, my family has cried to you in prayer, pastors, co-workers, church goers have all cried to you in prayer. even my doctors and nurses and therapists have cried to you in prayer for help.
still my sickness and my depression is eating me alive. I believe in you will all my heart, I asked you in my heart as a kid, and as an adult and I DO NOT regret it one bit. having you in my life is the best decision i could ever done. yet this suicidal thoughts are eating me alive. Doctors and medicine cannot figure this out,
I have had whole body scans, brain scans, blood work, in house treatments, out patience treatments, I read the bible and trust in its word. I pray with all my heart and believe. I love you father and I believe that too. I know you love me and I believe that too.
some of my doctors have given up as they do not know what to do anymore as it seems chemically I cannot handle certain meds and other meds make me sick and more depressed and more suicidal - the doctors even admit its the meds fault.
Father God - you know everything I need and everything i do not need. I am not asking to be perfect, i am praying with all my heart to at least not have suicidal thoughts. i am afraid the next one will be the one that will push me over the edge.
I am asking father for you to walk with me in the storm. father God i am a scared little kid and I am lost and i am crying for my father to hold me. I need you father to please hold your child, hold your son close to you. I am asking you to shelter me through this storm. even if i cannot be strong enough to get through it , i do not need to be as long as you are strong enough for the both of us and help me through this.
Please dear God i ask in your amazing and loving presents to hear my plea, to hear my cry. to forgive me of all my sins. to wash it all away and make me clean and help me to forgive those who sinned against me and help those that i sinned against to forgive me. I want and ask that i can walk with you. side by side. father and son. God and creation, Shepheard and sheep. Rabbi and student. me a broken man and you the clay maker.
father God I stand before you with my eyes wide open wanting you, needing you, loving you, praising you, worshiping you, reading your word. Please save me from my torments
thank you God
in your name i pray these words onto you.
in Jesus name i pray Amen
