i am really sorry you are going through this. I am also dealing with depression. I was suicidal and put on different meds and different doctors and nothing seemed to help. I cried and cried to God to help. I am have a Christian counselor and doing so much better. i am off of meds. i still have moments and i still get lonely but i am so much better than last year. please do not give up and my suggestion is to have at least 1 person to be able to vent to, let them know ahead of time this is something you need and make sure they are ok with it. my person is my mom and it really helped to know someone was there just to listen to me. even though she could be with me in person it was nice to have support during the difficult times and we are much closer and she prays for me every day and i also have all of my family and church members praying for me

so i pray for you. i pray that you will have the help you need and you will be stronger for this. at the time i hated going through what i went through but now i tell my story to people who want to listen so they know they are not alone and i feel a bit better each time i tell my story so know that you are not alone and god loves you